Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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