He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
