The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
