Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
