Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
