Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Randomize
