Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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