is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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