Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
