So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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