I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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