i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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