in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Alive.
So much puke
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
