I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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