There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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