The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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