apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Enjoy the penises
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
