I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
