i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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