cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
