just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
