hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
