We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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