It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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