Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
