gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
