You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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