Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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