Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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