11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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