Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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