She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
