is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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