I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
