he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
