i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
