my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize