My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
