he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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