Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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