when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
