Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
