just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
