I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
