You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
