dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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