Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We were destined to go to rehab together
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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