It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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