porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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