She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
