i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Farmville is her only friend.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have aggressive nipples.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
