We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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