that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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