I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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