bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
