I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
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he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
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I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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