I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
