You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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