I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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