PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
