Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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