The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i dont even know how to be here
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
