he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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