So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
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and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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