Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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