i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
