just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
