he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
