You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
