this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
