I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
