Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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