Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
