Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Come share oat with me in your robe
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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