the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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