i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
